SATIRE – The Great PTI Breakup: Marwat Vs Gatekeepers

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As the latest episode of Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf’s (PTI) long-running political soap opera unfolds, senior leader Sher Afzal Marwat takes center stage with a dramatic exit that could rival any primetime cliffhanger. Outside the somber gates of Adiala Jail, Marwat dropped the bombshell. “I refuse to work with Shibli Faraz and Omar Ayub,” he declared, his voice echoing off the walls, laden with the weight of unmet expectations. “They gatekeep me from Imran Khan like he’s the last slice of pizza at a party, and I’m on a diet,” he quipped to a bewildered press.

Marwat’s declaration of independence came just days after the party leadership, in a plot twist worthy of a Shakespearian tragedy, revoked his nomination for the esteemed role of National Assembly’s Public Accounts Committee (PAC) chairman. “I was the chosen one, until I was not,” Marwat lamented, attributing his sudden fall from grace to the political machinations of the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N). “They objected, and suddenly my party treated me like I suggested we all support India in cricket,” he added, his sarcasm not lost on the reporters.

In a scene reminiscent of a high school prom night, PTI’s inner circle seemingly split into cliques during the voting for PAC chairman. “Asad Qaiser, Sheharyar Afridi, Shandana Gulzar, and Zulfi Bukhari—they were my ride-or-dies,” Marwat recounted, painting a picture of a divided party. But not everyone was against him, it seemed. “The social media team? They’re the mean girls of PTI. They don’t like my face, apparently,” Marwat scoffed, revealing internal tensions that could fuel a dozen Twitter feuds.

The disgruntled leader also shared his vision of a protest-led future, hinting at his next moves. “We need protests. That’s the only way we’ll see any change. It’s like trying to diet without cutting carbs — pointless!” His call to action was clear: “Let’s see if the nation actually protests on May 9. It’ll be the season finale to this drama.”

Amid his theatrical farewell, Marwat didn’t miss the opportunity to throw in one last fiery comment. “If Imran hints, even slightly, that I should resign, I’ll leave the National Assembly faster than one can say ‘Naya Pakistan’.”

As Sher Afzal Marwat storms off the political set, leaving behind a trail of chaos and compelling sound bites, one can only wonder what the next episode in PTI’s telenovela will entail. Will there be a reconciliation, or is this a final bow-out from Marwat? Stay tuned, as the drama is far from over in the corridors of Pakistani politics.

Note: This piece is a satirical work and does not purport to represent the truth.

Hassan Naqvi
Hassan Naqvi
Hassan Naqvi is an award winning digital, print and broadcast investigative journalist who is the co-founder of The Scoop and also host his web shows "The Scoop With Hassan Naqvi" and "The Hassan Naqvi Show."

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